Picture To Burn
by TTY7
Summary: He thinks bitterly to himself that this is his just punishment for killing her father in Narita. If not for his carelessness, his complete idiocy…she would still be a part of his life.


A/N: Probably my most random story ever. Pairing is Lelouch/Shirley. It's kind of angst centered so be prepared for sadness. Enjoy…if you can.

Disclaimer: Code Geass does not belong to me.

Picture to Burn

It means nothing to him, or at least that's what he keeps telling himself as he uses a cigarette lighter to bring flames upon her diary. He tells himself that she never meant anything to him and that it's better that she no longer remembers who he is. All of it was better for continuing on the path of blood, a path he didn't want her mixed up in.

The pages of the diary burn easily; the ink melts on the page, making each word written on them nothing more than splotches of nonsense that cannot be decoded. The evidence of his existence in her world is further erased by the flames.

He thinks bitterly to himself that this is his just punishment for killing her father in Narita. Even though he had not killed the man with his own hands, it was his own actions that had caused the girl so much pain to begin with. If not for his carelessness, his complete idiocy…she would still be a part of his life.

He told her that night that he didn't know how much she had meant to him until it was already too late. Of course, the girl in question had no idea that he was talking about her.

Hours before that moment, he had held her lithe body in his arms, cradling her as if she were a fragile doll about to break. After all, he had already shattered her heart by being the demonic beast who murdered her father.

Over and over he tells himself that she meant nothing to him. He deludes himself as the diary in his hands turns to ash, landing silently on the paved ground beneath his feet. However, deep down he knows that he could never convince himself that the young girl with the glowing green eyes meant absolutely nothing to him. As much as he wanted to delude himself and forget her sadness, he cannot. No, her forlorn expression will forever remain with him no matter how much he tries to ignore it.

Some say that the first time you kill someone, you forever see their face when you take the lives of others. For Lelouch, it was different. He had never seen the face of his half brother Clovis when he killed. He only saw the faces of men who meant nothing to him. That was why using Geass and killing held no true meaning to him. He understood that it was something he had to do in order to bring the peaceful world his younger sister desired.

But now things had changed. He knew that when he saw someone suffering from losing a loved one, he would now see Shirley's emerald eyes filled with tears. He would see her haunted expression as she stood in the rain before him. He would forever remember the feel of her lips on his when the fragmented pieces of her soul reached out to him for comfort. A bitter laughed fell from his lips: she would have never found true comfort with him.

She found out his secret and killed to protect him.

She was targeted by a childish maniac who could read her every thought.

That maniac used her. He tried to get her to kill the person she loved.

Somehow, Shirley broke free from his power, only to fall susceptible to the power Lelouch wielded. Her anguished emotions left her powerless against it.

"_She was a thorn in my side from the beginning_," he thinks, watching as the remaining ashes fall to the ground. Reaching into his pocket, he draws out picture after picture. The first one was of him, laying in the grass, sleeping the day away.

"_She never meant a thing to me. She was just a naïve girl that got in the way._"

He sets flame to another picture. This one was of all the student council members together. The picture was recent, since Suzaku was in it as well, but Lelouch didn't care. He burned the photo anyway, desperately trying to burn away his feelings of sorrow.

"_She foolishly clung to me. That girl was just another one of my fan girls._"

One photo after another, he burned them. Inwardly he ranted on about the strawberry blonde girl with the glowing green eyes.

"_Insignificant, a nuisance, nothing more than an acquaintance._"

His violet gaze set itself on the final picture. Shirley stood at the forefront of the picture, smiling and waving a peace sign while he stood in the background, a sly smirk on his face. The picture was taken two years prior, when they had all been freshmen at Ashford Academy.

For a long time Lelouch stared at the photo in his hands. He wasn't sure of why he wanted to keep it, but he found himself placing it back into his coat pocket.

"_Just so I'll learn from my mistake_," he thinks, turning away from the pile of ash on the ground. "_She doesn't mean a thing to me anymore._"

* * *

><p>One year later he finds himself staring down at her body. She's covered in blood.<p>

Kneeling down he stares at her, his disbelief of the situation causing bile to rise in his throat. He can't explain the sickening feeling. He can't fathom why now of all times he would turn soft. He had seen blood plenty of times before. After the Special Zone Massacre a year prior, he thought he would have never trembled at the sight of blood again.

But this time he trembled more than ever before. It was because he knew that this girl should have never been stained by her own blood. Her skin should have never looked this pale. No, the whole sight brought back an onslaught of terrible memories. The memories of his beloved mother of whom his father had thrown aside to be slaughtered.

"Shirley who did this to you?" he asked, his violet orbs traveling up and down her body as the pool of blood expanded.

Her shimmering, almost dull green eyes open at the sound of his voice. "Lulu, I'm glad we can talk at the very end."

Lelouch tried to stop her there. He tried to tell her that it wasn't the end, that everything would be alright, but with one touch of her delicate hand atop of his, he stopped dead in his tracks.

"Ever since I've regained my memories I've been so afraid," she told him, "a teacher that wasn't a teacher…friends who don't have memories to share…everyone was just lying." She gasped, the pain stealing her breath. "That's…that's the world you've been fighting by yourself isn't it…all alone."

He had fought alone, but Lelouch had always been alone. That was his truth, his undeniable truth ever since his father had abandoned him.

"That's why I wanted…why I wanted to be someone who would at least be truthful to you."

Lelouch's eyes widened in sorrowful bewilderment. "Shirley."

She smiled up at him, letting him know with her eyes that all his past sins against her were forgiven. "Lulu, I love you. Even knowing that you killed my father…I simply couldn't hate you. Even though my memories were tampered with…I still fell in love with you."

Her eyes were starting to dim even further. Her blood beginning to flow out of her wound faster.

"And I'll fall in love with you…over and over again."

"No Shirley!" he exclaimed, removing his contact that covered his left eye and the Geass. "You can't die!"

Vainly Lelouch activated his Geass, commanding her not to die. Commanding her to stay. A tinge of red surrounded her irises, but it didn't make any difference. Her life's blood continued to flow away. The embers of her life fading out as quickly as candlelight in the wind.

"No matter how many times I'm reborn, I'll keep falling in love with you Lulu," she continued, tears streaming down her face. "I suppose that it is simply fate."

"You can't die," he pleaded, his own tears falling now. He couldn't lose her. He didn't want to lose anyone else. He loved her.

"I order you not to die!"

"And as I'm reborn…I'll keep falling in love with you over and over…"

The Geass flicked away in her eyes. He was losing her, and there was nothing he could do to stop it. There was so much he needed to say to her, so much he needed her to know. He had to tell her before…

"I'll keep falling in love with…"

Her hand fell away from his, dropping with a sickening splat into the pool of blood. Those shimmering green eyes closed, the remaining tears falling as she breathed her last. A smile was on her face.

But Lelouch couldn't breathe. The air had been knocked out of him. It was too late to tell her the truth…too late to show her briefly just how much she had meant to him. Shirley was forever lost to him now just like Euphie and his mother.

He grabbed her shoulders. "Shirley! Shirley!"

Lelouch knew that she wouldn't respond. It was far too late to do anything to save her. He knew that fact. He had seem plenty of people die right in front of him in his lifetime, but this…this seemed so much worse. She wasn't supposed to die. He had erased her memories to protect her and yet…none of it helped. She had been murdered and it was all his fault.

Tears dripped from his face and onto the floor as he tightly closed his eyes, silently praying that all of it would be a relentless nightmare that he could wake up from, but he knew…he knew that this was no nightmare. This was real life. This was his truth. The deaths of the people he held most dear in his heart was all he would ever know.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

* * *

><p>"We'll crush them!"<p>

C.C. blinked at Lelouch's show of anger through the monitor. "Tell me what happened."

And so Lelouch told her the story of all that had occurred. How Rolo, his imposter sibling, had used his Geass to kill Shirley. Now that he had located the Geass order, he was determined to tear the place apart and offer the deaths of the monsters who sent it out into the world as a burial present to his beloved.

Once the conversation between him and his accomplice ended, he turned off his computer and let out a deep, sorrowful sigh. He would never escape his guilt over what had happened to Shirley, but he hoped that the deaths of the people responsible would be enough to distribute justice.

Of course, when he thought about that, he knew that he deserved death as well for his own horrendous actions. And if all went according to plan…he would be able to join Shirley again soon.

After a long while, Lelouch rises from his desk chair and reaches into his dresser. Opening it up, the first thing he sees is the lone picture he never burned. It was now the only reminder of what he once had.

He could never go back. He couldn't change what happened even with his Geass. The realization brought him back down to Earth as he held the small photo in his hands. There was no way for him to delude himself any longer.

"_Shirley…you meant everything to me._"

* * *

><p>AN: I don't know what happened to me while I was writing this. Right before I watched two HAPPY Christmas movies and had a steaming cup of hot cider and had visions of sugarplums dancing around in my head. Somehow, that turned into this tragedy filled story you see before you. Totally weird. Anyway…hope you enjoyed it. Review please.


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